The following is a selection from the article A Pedophile’s Darkest Hour – Pitfalls & Strategies.
This might be the single most difficult trial a pedophile can face. Yes, it can happen – a kid might want to be sexual with you.
Sometimes, a child has gone through experiences that have made them “sexually reactive”. What that means is that they have been exposed to sexual contact in a way that’s created a flurry of emotions. All he or she knows is that sexuality exists, and that it affects them deeply.
Most often, a child is sexually reactive when they’ve already been abused by an adult or an older child. They don’t know what to do with the feelings; it creates a vacuum in their heart and uncertainty in their mind.
What that child needs are adults to help them recover his or her sense of identity and personal boundaries, without shame or secrecy. But if that doesn’t happen, a child may seek to repeat those sexual experiences in an attempt to normalize their feelings. That means it’s possible a very broken and vulnerable child may approach you.
This is your moment, and this is your time. Will you take advantage of that child’s hurt, and add to it? Or, will you – a pedophile – truly love him or her, protecting them, even from your own sexual desires?
I want to share with you two true stories. Both are of pedophiles that I’ve counseled online.
Jerry and Jessie are a couple and live together. Life goes on well enough for them, but Jerry explains to me that he’s got a situation. Jessie’s little ten-year-old sister comes over to spend the night on weekends. Her name is Tammy, and recently she’s been snuggling into bed with them in the mornings.
Jerry is flustered by this, as can be imagined. His girlfriend, Jessie, already knows he’s attracted to little girls, and Jerry brings it up to her again. But, Jessie isn’t sure what to say, and seems to shrug it off. I explain to Jerry that this could be a dangerous situation, and he agrees.
The following weekend, Jerry is alarmed. He tells me that Jessie left for work early, and Tammy snuggled into bed with just him. And the way Tammy pressed up so close to him, it almost seemed to Jessie that she wanted his attention.
Jerry and I talk about it, and agree that Tammy really doesn’t have a grasp on what she’s doing. It’s possible she has a childhood crush on Jerry, but that doesn’t mean she understands or wants a sexual relationship.
I tell Jerry that he’s playing with fire and is one step from the edge. In the heat of the moment is when a person falters. Get out of the situation!
But, the next three weekends Jessie stays home, and Jerry wonders if it’s really worth making a fuss over. However, he shares with me that he thinks Tammy is flirting with him, the way she sits on his lap and teases him. I explain that it’s entirely possible Tammy is sexually reactive, and he needs to protect both her and himself.
I suggest that he and Jessie make a house rule that their bedroom is private space, and that Tammy can cuddle with them once everyone is up and dressed. Also, Tammy must not spend the night when Jessie will be gone!
Again Jerry agrees, but only halfheartedly tries to set those boundaries. He admits that part of him is curious about what might happen. I plead with him to open his eyes.
The following weekend Jessie leaves early. Tammy comes to cuddle with Jerry in bed, and his hands seem to have a mind of their own. Tammy silently complies, and afterwards says that everything is fine.
Jerry is unsure, and the following week is filled with a silent dread. I received one more update from Jerry, and then I never heard from him again.
Two more broken lives.*
You can’t fall off a cliff if you don’t go near the edge. You won’t get burnt if you don’t play with fire. The Bible says to “FLEE temptation”.
Todd is an older man, and occasionally shares with me stories from his past. He’s also a pedophile, who is attracted to boys, and has lived with that his whole life.
He told me that many years ago he worked as a cabin counselor at summer camp. He was foolish back then, and shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
Nevertheless, one night after the lights were out, one of his campers snuck over to Todd’s bunk and asked if he could lay down with him. He was a nine-year-old named Cody, and Todd already suspected that the boy had a rough home life.
Todd didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and so agreed. But, Todd shivered when Cody climbed into bed. He enjoyed the feeling of the boy next to him.
Unexpectedly, Cody grabbed Todd’s hand and put it on his privates, and whispered, “Please do it! Please!” Todd was stunned, and a few seconds ticked by.
And then, something else happened. A feeling came over Todd like prickling electricity. He was awash with a sense of reverence and terrible clarity.
“N-No Cody,” Todd stammered, “Go back to your bunk.” Cody complied, and avoided Todd for the remainder of the camp.
Over the next few years, Todd often thought of that night, and he hoped things worked out for Cody. What bothered him most was wondering if his gruff response caused even more hurt.
But, it just so happened that Todd ran into Cody one more time at a community event. Cody, now older, shyly approached Todd. With a big grin, he proudly shared that he had a girlfriend, and that things were better. Without so many words, Cody thanked Todd for what he did.
Todd tells me that he treasures that memory, and is so very grateful he didn’t do differently. Todd believes what he felt that night was God giving him a space in time to choose.
What do these two stories mean to you? Which will be yours?
Please, hear what the Bible says: “The prudent person foresees danger and hides himself. But the naive go on, and suffer for it.” (Prov 22:3)
Jesus said that we should ask God to lead us away from temptation, and God’s command is clear – FLEE. Don’t hang around; don’t flirt with it. If you get close enough, temptation will pull you in the rest of the way.
Nevertheless, we don’t need to live in fear. If you are sincere about following God, he will watch over you. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.”
There are unsung heroes in this world of a very grand sort. They are pedophiles who’ve passed the test, and proved what real love is.
*I would have intervened more directly with Jerry, however, our communication was anonymous.