I grew up in a good Christian home. Both my parents really knew the Lord. Sure, we had struggles like everyone else, but I was loved and cared for. I enjoyed my selection of kid stuff, such as karate, playing video games with friends all night, and reading fantasy novels on the bus. I remember standing in line for hours to watch the first showing of Star War – all three times 🙂 I think being “normal” made it that much harder to admit to myself that I was a pedophile.
It’s really hard on young people when first discovering they’re minor attracted. The realization usually happens in isolation. Nobody tells their parents or the people they trust, “I think I’m starting to have feelings for boys.” By the time I told others, I had already gone through the stages of shock, horror, and grim acceptance. I wish there was more awareness and support available for young people going through it.Continue with Michel’s Testimony
When some people give their testimony, they talk about all the difficulties that get resolved the instant they give their life to Christ. My story is quite different. God put me through the fire of refining so my sin would come to surface making me recognize it for the ugliness it really is. Only after seeing this can I see Jesus as brightly as I see him now.
I was born into what I thought was a normal Christian family. Every Sunday morning we went to church. I liked God but I didn’t like church. When I was four, I accidently cracked the pastor’s boy’s tooth with a yoyo while his family were over at our house for dinner. I remember it sent shockwaves of fear through my father and he punished me severely even though at the time I didn’t fully understand.
Primary school was a challenge for me. I wasn’t like the other boys. I was short for my age, underweight, and not great at sports. I didn’t admit this to myself at the time but inside I was deeply wounded and angry. Throughout my early years at school I never really felt like I was one of the boys. The school was a good Christian school though, and every day we read from the Bible. One day on the bus home from school I decided to believe the message for myself.Continue with Trent’s Testimony
Once I was a normal person, with normal feelings, and normal life. I still remember the moment of my childhood when everything started to become a nightmare. My father left me, and I didn’t receive the love I expected of the rest of my relatives. In the worst moment of my childhood, when everything I needed was love, I was sexually harmed by a relative of mine. I grew up in the midst of this entire tempest and when I realized I was already looking to the children of my neighborhood in a different way. I thought that was just a moment and that everything would be solved with time. But it didn’t happen.
At the age of 16, I accepted my condition in silence. It’s important for you to know that I never harmed a child, nor would I do because I knew that probably I were who I was because of what happened to me, and I couldn’t desire anything like this to someone that I loved. This is interesting in pedophilia… It’s not just about sexual feelings, we love children, we want to speak with them and stay the whole day playing games with them and being at their side, this is the reason I believe that a real pedophile cannot harm any child.Continue with Pedro’s Testimony
Hello, I am Alma Henriquez.
I live in the Dominican Republic, and I found out that I was a pedophile almost two years ago.
I was 28 years old. One night I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw a friend’s daughter photo and something in my brain lit up. Then I was filled with fear. Paralyzed. I was in disbelief I couldn’t believe this was me. Then things of my past made sense at that moment. Is like all my memories came to the surface. Represed memories. Evidence that these feelings weren’t new.
The first time I experienced these feelings. I was 17 years old, the son of a client of my boss at the moment and I were talking during the end of my shift. It was not until I felt the gaze of his mother that my mind woke up. We were just talking But feeling his mother’s gaze made me feel like I was doing something wrong or just being watched. I saw this kid as an equal not as a kid. I was developing feelings in that moment. In my mind I was talking to someone my age. And the kid was 11. After that gaze of his mother I felt so wrong. I woke up, and never spoke or saw him again. My brain literally hid this in the back of my mind for years.Continue with Alma’s Testimony
I grew up in a pretty solid Christian home; two parents, and four siblings. I was a fairly quiet, introverted kid. I’d heard about Jesus at church for as long as I could remember, but I realized I wanted Him to be part of my life at a summer camp (Eagle Fern Camp), when I was 12. Puberty had started kicking in shortly before, and things started going downhill when I was 13. I had been experiencing crushes on various people, both boys and girls, since I was seven, and with puberty, the sexual aspect of that got way more intense. I didn’t realize it consciously until years later, but over the years, I had never stopped being attracted to the same types of kids I was attracted to when I was seven. So as an adult, I can experience attraction to my female peers, as well as children and teens.
When I was 13, I sexually abused my younger brother. The interaction was short, and not physically coercive. I felt very guilty after, and was starting to have a feeling something was wrong with me. I started keeping secrets from my family, and emotionally clammed up over time. Sadly, that was not the last time I abused my brother. It happened again several times over the course of my teen years. I also discovered ways of accessing pornography when I was 17, which added another layer of shame and confusion to my heart. At 18, I was starting to wake up spiritually to what I was doing. I wanted to stop, but I was deeply afraid of what would happen if anyone found out everything I was hiding. (I should note here that I was a very sheltered kid, and didn’t know much about sexuality. But I knew that what I was doing was wrong.)Continue with Mitchell’s Testimony