Once I was a normal person, with normal feelings, and normal life. I still remember the moment of my childhood when everything started to become a nightmare. My father left me, and I didn’t receive the love I expected of the rest of my relatives. In the worst moment of my childhood, when everything I needed was love, I was sexually harmed by a relative of mine. I grew up in the midst of this entire tempest and when I realized I was already looking to the children of my neighborhood in a different way. I thought that was just a moment and that everything would be solved with time. But it didn’t happen.
At the age of 16, I accepted my condition in silence. It’s important for you to know that I never harmed a child, nor would I do because I knew that probably I had this experience because of what happened to me, and I couldn’t desire anything like this to someone that I loved. This is interesting in pedophilia… For many people, it’s not just about sexual feelings; we genuinely love children, and we can separate out that healthy nurturing love from the lustful and exploitative temptations.
Therefore, I started to be involved in some activities with children, kind of Children Theater, and some activities in my church and so on. Until I realized I wasn’t a monster because of pedophilia, that I could be a good person even though there was this bad thing within me. Every time that God helped me to win my internal fights, I could see that although I had a monster within me, he didn’t rule over me. But unfortunately, I started to become depressed, and I started to quest God about the sense of all of this. Why am I a pedophile? What is the reason for it all? Does God hate me? What did I for deserving it?
I became very suicidal and I even planed my suicide… In the darkest moment of my life, I heard the music “House on a hill” from Amanda cook, and that was kind of my own God speaking with me through that music. God loved me. Why? I didn’t have any Idea.
However, He showed me it through a lot of his signals, He sent me to this very forum, He used people to help me to see pedophilia in another way, and at the night of my suicide, he sent a person to help me and say to me that I wasn’t alone and that he loved me, and wouldn’t let me die. God healed me from the depression and gave me a mission – I should help other pedophiles to find him and become healed as well.
This is the main message of my testimony, you should stop asking God “Why?” and start to ask “For what?” God has a plan for our life, and he can use you even as a pedophile, because He’s God, and He’s the only one that can take all your pieces and transform them into the most beautiful vessel.
I discovered my mission as a pedophile. I’m a Brazilian guy that suffered alone with pedophilia. There’s nothing like this forum in Portuguese. In Brazil, the only things that are shown when you google pedophilia are things kind of “A pedophile arrested”, “How to protect your children from the pedophiles”, “How to recognize a pedophile” and so on… If I didn’t know how to speak English, I’d be in great trouble. In addition, if we consider that at least 1% of every country’s population is composed of pedophiles, just in Brazil, we have more than 2 million pedophiles. If we consider the number of Portuguese speakers in the whole world, this number is even bigger. For this reason, after being healed by God, I started a cooperation with the Christian Pedophile’s developers to translate this website to Portuguese.
If you’re a Brazilian or a Portuguese speaker, soon we’re gonna have this website in Portuguese and we’re also going to offer support in Portuguese through the Email contact. I also believe that God is gonna send even more different people, from other countries to help us in this mission! and I’m sure that in heavens we’ll receive our reward for doing it! And about you? Why don’t you start to seek for the purpose of God in the midst of all your temptation?
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