Salt-N-Pepa said it first…
Let’s talk about sex, baby,
Let’s talk about you and me.
Let’s talk about all the good things,
And the bad things that may be.
Yes, we need to talk about it, especially us pedophiles. You and I must find peace in our hearts and minds when it comes to romance and sex. We can’t live forever with the tension of uncertainty. We need an answer for how we should live out our sexuality.
There are times when I run to God and scream, “What am I supposed to do with this attraction? I’m tired of having feelings for kids! What do you want me to do?” I’ve been bitter and disillusioned.
But honestly, I want to please God. I know he loves me; I know it deep in my soul. He loves me even when I’m at my worst. And, that’s why I love him in return. I truly want make him proud and honor him with my sexuality.
Sex is not just something that people do. It’s a core part of who we are, and therefore, it matters a whole lot to God. You and God have an intimate relationship in the hidden place of your spirit. Therefore, what you do sexually involves your relationship with God.
I know I need God. I don’t want to be left alone with pedophilia. If he’ll help me, I am willing to do what he says.
Actually, God talks quite a bit about sexuality in the Bible, and it’s not just a matter of rules. It involves your identity as a child of God, and his dream for you life. Your sexuality is important to God.
Jesus gave the defining statement. He said, “God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”1
Jesus was referring to creation. God created our sexuality at the very beginning. His design was for a man and woman to join together in a permanent relationship, and become like one.
Two questions immediately come to mind: “God, why did you want it that way?” Also, “What are we supposed to do today, when there are so many sexual deviations, like pedophilia? What does God want someone like me to do?” Let’s look into it.
Genesis 1:27 says, “God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
We humans are made in God’s image. That’s what makes us different from animals. He gave us his own characteristics, such as freewill, so we can think and choose for ourselves. Also, our capacity to form relationships, to love one another and be intimate, are all qualities of God himself.
Whether male or female, each of us portray God’s image in a unique way, like a one-of-a-kind stained glass window. How we live can either enhance, or efface, God’s image within us. When it comes to sexuality, our actions can either let God shine through us, or plunge our lives into darkness.
Sexuality started in the Garden of Eden with the life of the first human, Adam. In the Hebrew language, the word Adam means “earthling”, and comes from the root word meaning “ground” (because God created Adam out of the dust). It’s possible that this individual wasn’t actually male or female… just totally human.2
Over time, Adam discovered he was lonely, because there was no one else like him. God knew this would happen, but wanted Adam to realize for himself that love and relationship are the essence of life. Therefore, God put Adam into a deep sleep, and removed a “side” from him. Out of that, God made Eve.
When Adam first saw Eve, he said, “Ah! This is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh!”3 It all became clear – God took something out of Adam to make Eve, and now humans were split into male and female. God’s plan was that a man and woman would each leave their parents, and join together as one. In marriage, both “sides” of humanity reunite and find completion, and together, they become the most complete portrayal of God’s image in all creation.
What makes this so special is that the relationship between a husband and wife reflects the relationship within God himself. Within God there are three distinct individuals. There is Father God, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. These three are each completely God, just like a man and woman are each completely human. However, the three persons in God represent different facets of God, just like male and female represent different facets of humanity.
The three persons of God (Father, Son, and Spirit) are perfectly united in awareness, desire, and purpose. God wanted humans to be able to experience this type of relationship. Therefore God designed marriage to be the place where a man and woman can share the same committed, selfless, and passionate love.
When a man and women come together in marriage, they give a two dimensional representation of a three dimensional God.
There’s more. In the Bible, God often refers to his people as his spouse. It’s not like there’s anything sexual involved, but rather, the intimacy between a husband and wife illustrates an aspect of the relationship God wants to have with you and me.4
Someday soon, Jesus will come back for his people. He calls us, his “Bride”.5 Again, the idea is that God wanted the love between a man and his bride to represent his own love for us. It’s a beautiful analogy, and Paul calls it a great mystery.6 Someday we will be with God forever.
I hope that wasn’t too much to take in. Let me give a summary:
- God made us in his image, and each of us carries that inside. But when a man and woman come together, they are the most complete picture of God’s image.
- What we do sexually can either enhance or efface that image.
- God gave us the capacity to form relationships, and all relationships are important. However, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have a special kind of relationship with each other, and humans have an opportunity to enjoy that same sort within marriage.
- The romantic/sexual relationship between a husband and wife has wonderful significance and meaning. God wants their selfless love and life-long commitment to illustrate is own love for us (Jesus’ love for his Bride).
- This is how God designed us humans, and that’s what he wants for us.
The Bible says that God blessed Adam and Eve, and he will bless us too if we honor him with our sexuality.
But, wait! Pull out the stops! That sounds beautiful and all, but that’s not how the world is. How many marriages are selfless and life-long? What about people who don’t have the ideal sexuality, and are not attracted to adults of the opposite sex (particularly me, who’s attracted to kids)?
Life is messed up…
Most certainly. This world is not the way God originally created it. In fact, it’s terribly broken and there’s hurt everywhere! We humans are in such a predicament – each of us fights against God in one way or another. 7 We make choices that hurt ourselves and the people around us. Our actions indicate we oppose God. We are overcome by the consequences of what we’ve done and what others have done to us (not to mention the schemes of the devil). We desperately need a Savior.
Even the natural world suffers; our bodies are not the way God originally made them. Sickness, disease, and disability affect the human experience in every way. Pedophilia is one of those. Our sexuality is not as God created it.
How should you and I respond to this tidal wave of woe? Sexual brokenness is just part of it, but it’s a big part for us pedophiles. Do we fight it, or just try to get as much satisfaction as we can? We know God loves us, and is watching. Our choices matter now, and for eternity. Jesus gives his invitation: “Come to me”.8
God’s wants us to come to him to be “saved out of all our troubles”.9 We can’t overcome on our own. We need his forgiveness for mistakes, his strength to beat sin, and his protection from the cruelties of this world. All of us are bruised and discouraged, but God gives “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”10
Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.” 11
Also, Jesus said, “Whoever comes to me I will never reject.”12
You see, God wants us to believe for something beyond this broken world. He wants us to trust that he, The Creator, can see us through. Also, that Jesus our Savior, can make a way.
This means that you and I can entrust our sexuality to God, and expect him to do what we can’t. The Bible says that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”13 And, “The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”14
He also says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”15
God is invested in your future. He can help you find peace regarding your sexuality, and make a way for you to have love and intimacy in this life. But what does that look like?
It’s important to understand that God will not contradict his design (an adult man and woman).16 He doesn’t want us to be involved with children, which truly harms them and you.17 But, he will give you healthy opportunities for love and intimacy.18 He makes each of our lives a unique story of redemption.
For me, God brought me a wife. She accepts me with my attraction, and trusts that I will keep making right choices. She is my friend and companion on this life’s journey. I’m still attracted to kids, but sex with my wife is great. Sexual contact with someone you love can still be very pleasurable, even if they aren’t your primary attraction. And, there’s so much more to romantic love than simple sexual attraction – things only an adult can offer. There are still moments of difficulty for me; God hasn’t taken away the challenge. But, I can do this with his help – it’s all very good.
I personally know other pedophiles who find intimacy within friendships, but remain sexually celibate. God is with them in that too.
Tell God about your life, your hurts, and dreams. He loves you, and knows your story. His relationship with you is personal, one-on-one, and he is gentle with us.
I know… we did not ask to be attracted to minors. The feelings are innate, and I don’t think we will be free of this struggle until we get to heaven. But, victory means standing firm in the face of adversity, until the battle is won.
Please, I need to say it one more time: Innate feelings do not give us permission to act. God does not excuse sinful choices, whatever the reason. However, he is ready to join us in the middle of the turmoil, and bring us though to victory by his strength. Jesus proved that when he came to earth, and now, God’s spirit lives inside of each of us.
God’s not beat by pedophilia, nor by anything else. If you ask him to be the Savior of your life, and will do as he says, he will be with you. Cry out to him like a little child (you are his child).
God will forgive your sins, because Jesus died for you. You and he can journey forward together. There will still be difficult moments, but pedophilia doesn’t have to define your sexuality – God is stronger. He will give you his own love and intimacy, and make a way for you to experience that in this life.
It might sound strange to say, but your sexuality can be something special between you and God. Even though you’re attracted to minors, God can turn that area of brokenness into part of a beautiful story of him and you, together.
For additional reading, please see God’s Design for Sex, by Glenn Stanton, available free online.
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1Mark 10:6-7 2We can’t be certain about Adam’s sexuality prior to the creation of Eve. However, since something was removed from Adam to make Eve, we can suppose that this was when the genders were defined. 3Genesis 2:23 4Hosea 2:19 5Revelations 19:7 6Ephesians 5:22-31 7Isaiah 53:6 8Matthew 11:28-29 9Psalm 34:6 10Isaiah 61:3 11Luke 4:18 12John 6:37 13James 1:17 14Psalm 84:11 15Jeremiah 29:11 16Numbers 23:19 17Matthew 18:5-6 18John 10:10