“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Ps. 27:13)
I’m a Pedophile. How can I figure a way through this? Researchers say the wires are crossed in my brain. The social worker wants me to focus on goals and avoid problematic behavior. Society simply wants me contained. It feels like my life is reduced to damage control. It hurts.
But, I do get it. I have a sexual attraction that inclines me to act in ways that hurt children. That’s a real risk factor! I understand why people are concerned. Actually, I’m concerned too. It’s hard on a person to deal with those feelings, being ashamed all the time, and so alone in it.
Honestly, I’m glad the researchers are looking into it, and the social worker does have good suggestions. But, what’s helped so much is knowing God loves me. His love is different than any other I’ve known. Here’s why:
God loves me for me. He doesn’t see me with all my problems, and add up the good versus bad. When I spend time with him, it’s like all that stuff is on the outside. Sure, I talk with him about everything going on, and he answers in my heart. But, pedophilia isn’t the center of our relationship. It’s just God and I. That takes off such a weight. It’s so good of him.
God doesn’t see my life as a damage control situation. He’s not intimidated by pedophilia at all. He sees it as a special opportunity to live a victorious life together. Jesus said, “Come all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matt. 11:28-30) He really meant it. He’s come alongside me in the darkest times and carried me through. God has good plans for your life. It’s exciting to follow where he leads (especially when you have nowhere else to go).
God values me. The value he set on me was the blood of his own son Jesus. Jesus died so I could be forgiven, and he did it willingly! After that was taken care of, God raised him back to life. Now, we can be connected with God in the spirit. We can have a relationship with him; you don’t have to be alone. It feels so good to be valued, and to know someone loves you even when they know everything about you.
God won’t let evil win. If I keep my hands in his, God won’t let sin win in my life. The Bible says that “God who begun the good work within you, will continue his work until it’s finally finished”. (Phil. 1:6) That is such a relief! I’m not impervious to temptation. I hope I’m several steps away from hurting a kid, but temptation can sneak up all of a sudden, or erode over time. I need God to protect me, and keep me from evil. He’s a loving Father, so I carefully respect the boundaries he’s given me and am quick to obey. But, I don’t have to be afraid of pedophilia.
This is how God loves you. He wants to be your Father, Savior, and Comforter. He’s not far from you, and he’s not mad at you. He actually loves you! That’s the best news a pedophile could hear.
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