Finding a Way
Hey Michel, I’ve come across your site as an ordinary Hungarian Christian mom (while doing some research online on pedophilia, as sadly a relative seems inappropriately interested in my toddler). I just wanted to let you know how very uplifting and encouraging your writings are also for me, an “ordinary Christian” (with my own enormous struggles, of course, only of a different kind). It’s so awesome to see how the same Holy Spirit is at work in all of us, His children, convincing us of the truth and working to sanctify us! God bless your ministry and your walk with him. (And I hope somehow the opportunity comes for me to put this relative in contact with you, if the situation will be so.) Eszter
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yes, the same Holy Spirit works in each of our lives. I’ll pray for your relative.
God is so smart and wise. Pedophilia can be cured. God created so many types of people. Some grow to 3’11, and then some rise to nearly 8 feet. Humankind is so diverse. I know people who look 12 but are well in their 30s. I don’t think this is by accident, but knowing the sins of the world and twisted logic of Satan, God made a way of escape even before you were born. I always questioned do pedophiles really like young people or their small frame and innocent look. Thai women and man look very young even in their older ages. I learned that a Chinese XL shirt is a medium in the US. There are many petite people to help those who like them small and vice versa. I genuinely think pedophiles are just misdirected in what they like. Well, on the other hand, I could be wrong.
Research is showing that Pedophilia is a medical/mental condition, like schizophrenia or depression. It’s a disorder of the brain’s wiring. Humans naturally have an age component to sexual attraction. For example, most young men are attracted to women in their early 20’s. Very few are attracted to women in their 70’s. It’s just how we are made. However, with pedophilia the age component is abnormal.
Unfortunately, the medical field does not know how to change the brain’s wiring when it comes to sexual attraction. We can’t help that we are attracted to children. However, we can choose how to respond to this particular challenge.
I believe God can do miracles and heal people physically. However, God hasn’t done that for me. In my life, I believe he wants me to have victory over this challenge through a relationship with Him.
I am a survivor of child molestation.
I cannot explain how angry I am that children are exposed to sexual abuse, at the fact that there are children in pornography and prostitution – that there is even a market for it.
At the back of my head, I understand that pedophiles are only human and that everyone has different struggles. But I couldn’t help seeing you as demons who deserve to burn in hell.
Just now, I was listening to a preaching. The pastor said that when Jesus comes back, He will set the world right, that there will no longer be children who will be subjected to any kind of abuse. That He will take vengeance on those who made his people suffer. I cried and prayed to for Jesus to please come soon.
After that, I felt that I was being led to look up christianity and pedophilia and saw your site. I think deep in my heart, I am hoping that people like you would realize the impact of acting on your tendencies and the consequences on the lives of children and their future.
I am now 27 years old. It took me 19 years to finally come to terms with what happened to me. I still have minor OCD but I can finally say with conviction that I have forgiven my abuser and the people who stood by and let it happen. I now teach children in sunday school and try my best to be an adult who empowers kids, especially because the culture where I am from is one that puts heavy emphasis on respect and unquestioning obedience to adults to the point of repression and neglect.
I want you to know that reading your posts has greatly encouraged me and has also helped me to understand what was done to me. I’ve been angry most of my life and it is a huge relief to me that there are people like you who are pedophiles who are trying to do the right thing. I thank God for healing my heart and my mind and I pray for those of you who are trying to do the right thing to be strengthened by His Spirit in your inner being (Eph 3:16) to resist and run from temptation, and to ultimately receive your freedom from this bondage.
I want you to know that I as a survivor, understand. And I want you to know that I agree with you. That you are indeed unsung heroes for choosing to fight. I believe that there is no harder battle than the one that is fought in our own minds.
For those of you who decided to never act on your tendencies, and for those of you who made a quality decision to stop, I thank you on behalf of other survivors and the children you have protected by making that quality decision.
I hope pray you would receive a revelation of the love and grace of Christ, and that that revelation would empower you to truly love children the way that God loves us as His children.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt letter. Your experience of abuse is very sobering, and tells us once again that real lives are at stake. Also, it is so encouraging to know that a survivor can commend us for taking our stand for Christ.
You wrote: I want you to know that I as a survivor, understand. And I want you to know that I agree with you. That you are indeed unsung heroes for choosing to fight.
Thank you for those words.
I also want you to know that we agree with you that sexual abuse of a child is entirely devastating. We refuse to reduce a child to an object, and we choose to honor God instead.
Research is discovering that atypical wiring in the brain is what causes pedophilia. It really is a bum deal. But, it’s also an opportunity to show genuine love.
To protect children, it’s worth it. To follow our Savior, it’s worth it.
Thanks for showing the gospel in such a graceful and hopeful way Michel. Truly, it is good news for all men, for all men are sinners in need of great grace.
Bless you and your ministry
Hi Rob. Thank you for the encouragement! Jesus said that we would be witnesses of him to the ends of the earth, and so we go.
This gave me hope. Thank you.
Thanks for saying so. It gives me hope too. 🙂
The fact that we are sinner’s and God knows all of ours yet still sent His son to die for us is so amazing. I know I have sinned countless times but God still forgives me and accepts me anyways, such great love.
Thank you so much! This inspired me so much to turn back to God! It brought me hope that God will save me and if I give to him my condition he will make good. God bless, Nick
That’s awesome! :))
As a person attracted to minors, and have a strong heart for them and there well being, we should consider their growth, and demonstrate real love with them, meaning we should want to be there for them for them, and not just instant gratification. Marriage with children has always been a red flag in my mind, due to my thoughts that children/preteens/young teenagers should always be free. Back in the days, times were different, people didn’t live long (as I understand it) It is us that should be a guidance for them and a role model. That is a discipline we should have because our love for them should be for there best interest. We are older, and should demonstrate that to them. So in conclusion children should be free, and I have always said to a kid that I have adopted them with my heart. There is a certain romantic spark, but it is mainly bonding with one an other that weighs out sex, cuddling and bonding can be more beautiful than anything . I am always being careful as I do not want to hurt the child I see their maturity level, and look out for them, as society has eagle eyes and misunderstanding about us.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Yes, Jesus said that we should love each other as he loved us. Love actually cost him a lot – he had to sacrifice himself – because, that’s what we needed. I think we show that same sacrificial love when we are careful not to hurt a child. There’s no doubt about it! If you and I want to truly love a child, it means denying ourselves on the level of romantic/sexual attraction.
I like how you say, “It is us that should be a guidance for them and a role model. That is a discipline we should have because our love for them should be for there best interest.” Personally, I always ask God to evaluate my actions; I don’t trust myself. I want him to guide my conscience so that I know if I’m inappropriate toward a child, even if it’s just a look or a word.
My personal boundary is to not form relationships with kids outside my family. That’s just where God and I have drawn the line.
A pedophile is no better or worse than any other sinner.
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell. Matthew 18 And you say that paedophile is not better or worse than any other sinner? Really? I was raped by my own brother when I was only 5 year old (I’m 30 now) and it damaged me for life, to say the least! I have been doing loads of therapy for years, spending loads of money and not seeing any result. The monster used to study the bible all day long, and even though my whole family is Christian, religions appals me. I now have a baby girl who’s only 6 months and I’m feeling so bloody scared that monsters like you all could get closer to my daughter… I have no peace! I have no happiness. The monster took my childhood away and I never gonna know what it’s like being a child. I still have flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty in trusting, depression, phobia, vaginism; to mention few. I will protect my daughter with my life if needed, to keep monsters like you away from my baby. And if Jesus would love and accept monster like y’all in heaven I would rather burn in hell then be in Heaven with y’all. Y’all destroy our inteire life. We’ll never be the same. We’ll never be happy. I tried suicide three times when I was only 7 year old. Unfortunately, I didn’t succeed. Now I only live to protect my daughter. Because if wasn’t for her, I would kill this unbearable pain by killing myself. My life is gone I never gonna be happy thanks to monsters like you all. Even my husband suffers in seeing me suffering, when I have flashbacks and don’t want him to touch me, when I try to have sex with him and I turn off as he inadvertently touch me in the way the monster did, the uncountable times that I cried copiously after sex and so on. Should have death penalty in the world, not excluding any country, to monsters that violate a kid. Y’all don’t deserve any mercy! Y’all are repulsive!
I hope many of our readers find your comment, because you describe clearly how damaging it is to offend against a child. I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you. Please know that we are doing our best to convince people, who are attracted to minors, to truly love children by not harming them in this way.
This is an excellent article. You are right that adults should not get into romantic or sexual relationships with children.
The usual argument for those that disagree is that cultures over the centuries have always done it so it must be okay. But you are correct when you explain why it’s not.
First, as you said, we know more about the brain now than we did 2000 years ago. After learning about germs we adapted to stay healthier through our new understanding. We can do the same thing when it comes to brain development and use what we know in a positive way.
Also, life expectancy was much shorter back then. As soon as girls could start having babies they needed to do so. Not to mention the infant mortality was atrocious. It was a necessity to keep the human race going.
There’s also something else- It didn’t mean the girls LIKED it.
Pedophiles need to remain child-celibate.
Tommy, your analogy to our modern day understanding of health brings up a good point – we are responsible to make decisions according to the knowledge we have. Today, we are more aware of human development, and the psychological impact of events in childhood. Broad social research is now possible in modern times. This should help us make better decisions about what makes for healthy sexuality, particularly regarding children.
I loved reading this. It has brought me hope. This whole website has brought me hope!
During Biblical times you would marry at 13 or so. So being Christians,we should have that right,life is short right? I love young girls. For 150,000 years, we have wed girls at menarche. Now the rules have changed. Why? jail! justice!
Hi James, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Yes, it’s definitely true that some societies allowed people to marry at a younger age. I’m not sure why our society has raised the age of consent, but a friend of mine suggested it’s because nowadays people have a wider range of options. Also, we now know that a person’s brain isn’t fully developed until they reach later teen years. I guess the age of consent laws are there to protect a person’s chance to grow up. But, there’s something we need to be honest about. We folks who are attracted to minors are focused on a particular age range; like you said, “I love young girls.” But, even if they allowed 13-year-olds to marry, it wouldn’t solve the problem for us. Kids grow up.
We are faced with a big dilemma! Are we supposed to love a young person, and then leave them when they get older? Do we only love them because of their age, and want them for sexual fulfillment? If that’s the case, what terrible monsters we are, and deserve every punishment.
I think being attracted to minors is a broken sexuality, something like a disability. It doesn’t fit with real love, which is to love the person. To love someone when they are young, but not when they’re grown, isn’t real love. Our sexual attraction leads us down a troubled path.
Here’s what we can do (as I see it): First, recognize that loving a child means not harming them, even if we must deny ourselves. That’s sacrificial love. Second, look for opportunities to fall in love with the people around us – friends, co-workers, family, and an adult romantic partner. I fell in love with my wife’s mind and personality, and my body came along (sexual contact with someone you love can still be great, even if they’re not in your age of attraction). Everyone will have their own story, but I believe that God can help us find love in life.
It used to be that people married so young. How are we supposed to feel about society, when it seems it changes views on a whim?
That is a good comment, and worth thinking about. Yes, societies of the past, and even some modern societies, have a very low age of accepted sexual relationships. Even Christian society of the past allowed marriages with younger partners.
Young people are different ages when they are mature enough for sex, and to be an equal partner in marriage. So, there isn’t a hard rule. However, emotional maturity and life experience does come with age. A young person might consent to sex or marriage, but really not be mature enough to make that decision. Older adults chuckle when they think of the dumb decision they made in their youth. And, wise adults set rules for young folks to follow, in order to protect against the most obvious dangers.
In the USA, the age for adult sexual relationships is 18 years old. The purpose of this law is to act as a safety blanket for society, even though it governs a very individual choice. Some young people might be ready before age 18, but many are not. Each society must make a unified decision. But, I agree with you that societies have differed, and there should be room to debate laws.
Personally, I think that 18 years is a good age to identify adulthood. It is not illegal for young people to have sexual relationships with each other, but it is illegal between an adult and younger person. I think this is to prevent harm when there is an imbalance of power (the adult is usually in a position of power and resources). The law provides some leeway; a 16 year old can marry if their parents consent. Otherwise, if both individuals are truly committed to each other, they only have to wait a few years.
Love always looks at the welfare of the other person. I think we agree that we would never want young people harmed. Law and consequence, of some kind, is necessary to prevent it from happening. But, 13 or 18? There’s a lot that could be said.
I very much appreciate your Christian site. It gives me hope.
I also have a question. Why do you think God made us this way? What purpose could it possibly serve? Why give us all these wants and needs we can never address?
Those are the type of questions that keep me away from God. I just don’t understand it.
Thank you for your comment! No doubt, there are many others who are asking the same question. It’s a horrible thought that God might want us to be pedophiles. But if it’s not what he wanted, than why did he allow it? These questions strike at the heart of our relationship with God. I started to write you an answer, but soon realized that it was a long one! I included it as a a new article – “Why Did God Let me be a Pedophile?” Take a look and tell me what you think. I believe it’s the answer the Bible gives (as best as I can describe it). Warm Regards ~ Green
The following is from a friend of mine: Judaism teaches that there is no urge to sin that cannot be controlled, unless the person is completely insane. The idea of pedophiles being destined to abuse is foreign. The second part of the story is that of a Kabbalistic concept called “Tzaddik Yesod Olam”- “The Righteous man [who is] the foundation of the world”. A “Tzaddik Yesod Olam” is someone with immoral sexual thoughts who has complete control in regards to acting on them. And note that he or she is called “the foundation of the world”!
These words are a blessing to my soul. Your words give me hope. You can’t even begin to know what a blessing you have been to me in the short time I have known you. I know you will be a blessing to others also. Just keep pushing on for Jesus.
You know as well as I do. When you take a stand for Jesus, the enemy will come at you in great force. The internet is full of stains workers that will try to destroy the work that God has called you to do.
It’s your job to recruit Ambassadors for Christ to help you in this work.
I would like to volunteer to be your first recruit. I have been praying for a long time for God to use me to help others that are going through the same things I go through.
Being an exclusive minor attracted adult is probably the toughest forms of pedophilia to deal with, but through the blood of Jesus there is hope for us just as others. We just have to work harder at it.
This is really good. Hope this takes off and others like us can realize we are not alone, but there is a whole community of minor attracted adults out here that love the Lord and want to please Him.
Personally for me, it’s a struggle everyday to live with this dark secret lurking in the back of my mind. I’m just glad my Saviour Jesus Christ gives me strength to go on and live a Holy life for Him.
Do I fail Him, do I have bad days, are there times I feel like giving up. You betcha, but He just keeps picking me up and puts me back on track.
It’s through the blood that we can have victory over our weaknesses. Being attracted to minors can be a curse that will destroy you, or it can also be a blessing, a blessing that can be used to serve Him.
God trusted me more than I trusted myself and therefore He blessed me with the son I had been praying for. He knew I would not harm or molest this boy of 10 years. It was only through God that I would ever get the chance to experience Fatherhood. It’s been over 20 years now and it gives me the most awesome feeling each time my Son calls me Dad. He has given me a great Daughter in law and 3 great Grand kids. Now if that’s not God, then there is no God. Thank you Jesus. My Lord, My Saviour, my Father…
That’s an awesome story FM.